The LONG weekend
I remember how I used to look forward to the long w/e at Easter: 4 days! Now it is 4 days with Al. 4 LONG days. Trying to find an hour, or sometimes even a half-hour to do something I want to do is getting a lot tougher. By yesterday afternoon I am quite sick of him, tired of watching for him, that he doesn't decide to walk somewhere, that he doesn't prune the shrub in half, that he doesn't take all the dirty dishes out of the dishwasher and put them away - always so helpful. And he is sick of me, telling him what to do, watching his every move. He misses his independence. We both do. Sometimes I can't believe the things he needs help with. Used to be great at vacuuming - helpful and kept him busy. Now he doesn't understand it has to be plugged in. and when I unwrap the cord he is frustrated because it is messy and he just wrapped it up. Sweeping the floor, sure for as long as he can focus on that so perhaps part of it is done but doesn't get that you have to pull out the chairs to get under the table. Sweeps the rugs. And wants to GO all the time. So just finding the time to do the online banking, this blog, look up anything - just 20 minutes honey, 20 minutes and then we will....I can't wait to go back to work. How sad is that?
Someone asked me When is it good with Al? That stopped me. I drew a blank. I can't remember when it was good. How about when he falls asleeps on the couch? Or the occasional time he has not bounded out of bed and i can slip out of bed in the morning and have a 1/2 hour to myself. And of course when I go to work and can wave Have a good day, see you tonight . I can think of some things that have been ok. We had a nice, w/e in Radium sitting in the hot pool. He liked that and as long as he didn't strike up a conversation with the soakers next to us because of course - blank look on their faces. But out for a bit of a hike, riding bikes last summer. But even with our closest friends now I feel the strain, trying to ignore his conversation as they nod and smile and laugh with him, doing their best to include him. In the car is good, particularly long distances as he will just look out the window or nod off. And flying has been fine, the last couple of trips once you get through security. Always a good traveller. So sometimes, when it is just him and me it is ok.