Don't Yell at Me
"Don't yell at me." I feel like I have been yelling all weekend. And now it is 5:22 am and he has been talking, counting, tossing/turning for 2 hours. And I have to be up at 6:30 to get ready for work. I have got him a glass of water, I have tried talking to him, "what is wrong, what is bothering you" He doesn't know. But when hemutters at night it is like he is distresed and I think he is having nightmares. What does he dream? What is it he sees that makes him so anxious, so frightened? He is too hot, too cold. I talk about his day tomorrow, it is going to be nice, he can go for a really nice walk. He will go to LSCO, to yoga, he will see friends. uhha uha He stops for 5 minutes and I am just about asleep and then thump, thump, thump his leg over the edge of the bed. Now we are both mad. Twenty minutes later he has come out to apologize. "its ok honey, don't worry about it go back to bed. But he doesn't know where that is. I take him there, cover him. He is up 2 minutes later, he has to pee. He won't stop, all week end, he won't stop. Gotta get going, where are we going, when are we going out? What can I do? I put the shoes back in the hall closet 5 times on Saturday morning. I have hung his coat up 3 times. Every time I walk into the dining room he has moved this chair. I ask him why - well why does it have to be there he asks, put out that I am questioning it. Then he starts to take things out of the pantry. He is a child now, always needing to be entertained. If he is not included, then "there is nothing for me here". My friend came to help me on the w/e - she knows how to do lots of things that I don't know - things he always took care of. The barbeque has not been working and she finds the connection to the gas needs adjusting. New shower heads, helps me put up a new towel rack. Things he wants to help with but cannot. It must be awful - he knows he can't do anything, he wants to help, he wants to do . The fact is , it is just useless. He is useless. And I am useless to do anything about it.