A Curious Kind of Widow

  • Although he is now in the moderate to severe stage of Alzheimers, his presence is strong.  He can't read write, talk clearly, make a plan or think, but he is intensely present; funny, affectionate, still capable of plesure.
  • If he could, he would. (He) is un-learning.  Understanding this makes life much easier for us both.  But how long it took me to understand, how mnay hassles we endured before I learned.
  • We have come a long way:  (he) in his decline, me in acceptance.

I have just finished the insightful and wonderfully written book by Ann Davidson "A Curious Kind of Widow" (quotes above). It is about US, and all the other couples in my group.  It is four months now, AL in care, me really a single woman.  Our visits are mostly sweet and I am often surprised ar just how much I miss him when I dont see him for a number of days.  But I vowed, and I think correctly, that while I am still working I will not see him every day.  and when (IF) I get to retire, I hope i dont get pulled into the daily visits I see so many actually do.  The fact is, I still have a life, hope to travel, to weave more, to garden, to spend time with friends, and starting to do some of this now, I sometimes feel as though the last almost 10 years were a blur, certainly the last 2 had the potential to finish me!  But sometimes now, I feel I have come through the other side.  But I miss the constant political commentary, the love of great food and wine, the plans for the nextand when trip, the delights of the first garden treats.  I miss his comfort and his passion.  I miss that annoying, argumentative, stubborn, steady, helpful, fun man in my life. It is only the wide smile, the little skip down the hallway so glad to see me, the big hug that makes me think I am not quite alone yet.

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